Desde que cheguei, tirando essa semana que passei no Rio, tenho encontrado algum amigo ou parente quase todos os dias. Como estou de férias, tenho praticamente todas as horas do dia disponíveis para o mundo, e como uma das minhas prioridades principais por aqui é rever as pessoas mesmo, acaba que vou me encaixando nos horários dos outros e sempre tenho alguém muito querido para reencontrar. Anteontem fui jantar na casa de uma amiga com mais uma leva de psicólogas. Ontem estive com a Bel no lançamento do livro de outra amiga psicóloga. Hoje vou jantar com meu pai. Amanhã vou levar minha avó na Benedito (mas à noite não tenho nada programado; olha a solteirice aí, gente). Domingo vou visitar parentes do interior com minha avó e tias. Segunda, ouvir música ao vivo com amigos. E assim por diante.
De início não, mas agora estou quase me sentindo em meio a uma legítima experiência antropológica, tipo a da academia ou a do salão de beleza. Antropológica no sentido de implicar um olhar estranho a um ambiente que definitivamente não é (mais) o meu. E isso não no sentido mais idiota de voltei americanizada e esta terra não me pertence. É um pouco mais sério e (acho) menos idiota o que está acontecendo.
Nos primeiros quinze minutos que revejo alguém, muitos abraços, toques e aquela conferida de cima a baixo: menina, você não mudou nada! (Mentira, eu engordei, mas nem tanto que as pessoas não consigam me reconhecer.) Aquela alegria aliviada própria de quem confirma que, em nove meses, uma criança pode até nascer, mas definitivamente não consegue nascer, crescer, dar cambalhotas, aprender a tabuada, assoviar e chupar cana. O essencial permanece ali. Estamos todos juntos no mundo. Passou tão rápido. Daqui a pouco você está no Brasil de novo. Etc.
Mas os primeiros quinze minutos passam, e vêm os quinze minutos seguintes. Eu tenho amigos educados que geralmente querem saber da minha vida primeiro. E aí, como está a vida lá? E eu ainda não desenvolvi uma historinha-padrão para dar conta desses questionamentos. Lá? A vida? Bem, hã. Deixa ver. Lá, a vida começa umas dez e meia da manhã, quando ligo o laptop, levo café, pão, iogurte e textos para a cama. Passo a manhã toda deitada, comendo, estudando, lendo blogs. Até que me canso e assisto a um episódio de The Wire. Aí desço e vou esquentar o almoço. Como, me preparo para sair. Em quinze minutos de caminhada estou em Tulane. Encontro os amiguinhos, assisto a uma aula. À noite fico com preguiça de faxinar o banheiro, deixo para o dia seguinte. Explico que sempre falta alguma coisa: ou a casa não fica limpa o suficiente, ou os textos não são lidos com o cuidado suficiente. E já acostumei que a vida é assim mesmo. Aí conto dos fins de semana com o Alex, conto da Asli. E os gatinhos?, o povo quer saber. Conto do cara com quem eu saí por lá uns dois ou três meses, já nem sei. E os americanos, são uns chatos? Isso eu sei menos ainda, porque os poucos com quem convivo sabem que Brasília é a capital do Brasil e Buenos Aires é a capital da Argentina, então não são parâmetro para nada. Quer dizer que você está bem lá, está feliz? Pois é, não é que estou?
Então, quase sempre, chega o momento de as pessoas me contarem da vida delas. Independentemente da profissão, o que elas me contam é (não surpreendentemente) bastante parecido à minha própria vida de um ano e pouco atrás. Começa aí a antropologia e a estranheza de entrar em contato com uma realidade tão distante da minha, e ao mesmo tempo tão familiar.
As pessoas vivem no mundo e fazem coisas o dia todo. Acordam às seis da manhã para estar no trabalho às oito e ali ficam até às sete da noite, para chegar em casa às nove. Ou, em outros casos, chegam no trabalho às oito, trabalham até as nove, saem para uma reunião às onze, almoçam em quinze minutos, têm uma aula do outro lado da cidade, voltam para a instituição xis e depois seguem para seu empreendimento particular ípsilon. As pessoas têm uma agenda-gincana: um dia na vida delas é como um vídeo-game ou competição lúdico-esportiva em que você tem de ir progredindo pelas fases. Passa a fase do trânsito, passa a fase do paciente surtado, passa a fase do almoço no quilão. Isso quando elas não têm filho e marido para dar conta.
As pessoas estão cansadas, muito cansadas. As pessoas estão ganhando dinheiro e comprando imóveis. As pessoas têm fantasias recorrentes de largar tudo e vender coco na praia.
As pessoas me perguntam se não tenho saudade da minha vida de antes.
Aí bate um medinho, porque sinceramente acho que desaprendi. Que não nasci para isso. Que nasci para ler textos na cama. Não para passar de fase no vídeo-game e ganhar pontos na gincana.
Eu também tenho minhas fantasias de coco – elas atendem pelo nome de Nova York. Mais especificamente, Jazz Standard, Jazz Gallery, Village Vanguard, Iridium, 55 e Birdland. Mas meu coco principal, atualmente, é outro. É o desejo de continuar para sempre alheia à gincana. Rodeada de pães e livros na cama.
Que Baco me ajude.
on Jun 19th, 2009 at 6:49 am
eu também não gosto da gincana, Cami… vai petrificando a gente.
mas ainda estou em busca de quais ou o que serão os meus “pães e livros na cama”… e, principalmente, em busca de me livrar da crença de que a gincana, ah esta sim…, “is the real world” – puta engodo do caralho, desculpe os termos, que se instalou em mim…
adorei o seu texto! (E o do Antonio Prata que vc linkou também…). Ajudam no processo de despetrificação.
beijo grande, querida.
on Jun 19th, 2009 at 6:59 am
aaaaah tá! agora sim vc me lembrou pq eu gosto de vc. um pouco.
on Jun 19th, 2009 at 7:37 am
“As pessoas têm fantasias recorrentes de largar tudo e vender coco na praia.” Nossa, muito do que vivo. E todo mundo que convivo anda assim, cansado. Cansado de acordar cedo. Cansado de trabalhar muitas vezes com coisas que não tem nada a ver. Cansado de fazer isso e NÃO ter dinheiro pra nada de qq forma. Leio o Alex há pouco tempo e super me identifiquei com esse lance de trabalha->ganha dinheiro->se compromete com mais e mais coisas-> dai escravidão total. Ah, adoro o seu blog e o dele. bjobjo
on Jun 19th, 2009 at 8:20 am
entendo muito bem isso. mas muito, muito bem. a gincana citadina sem prêmios no final. saudades tuas!
beijos
on Jun 19th, 2009 at 8:32 am
tá vendo, camila? a gente acha que nao temos nada em comum, mas tem gente q acha q temos!
on Jun 20th, 2009 at 9:49 am
po, mas a sua vida é o sonho do coco das pessoas.
vc fala como se ninguem quisesse sair da cama ao meio-dia, e como se todo mundo quisesse viver a gincana dos ratos?
on Jun 20th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
rodrigot, você tem alguma dúvida de que as pessoas na sua maioria querem viver a gincana dos ratos? eu não tenho dúvida alguma. a gincana dos ratos é útil: ela acaba com o debate sobre a nossa função no mundo e o que podemos fazer a partir da nossa própria existência — nossa existência é mesmo nossa? é voltada para nós? — para simplesmente funcionar no mundo, como umas maquininhas a montar um projeto risível de sociedade. divago, eu sei. mas é o que penso. porque vejo pessoas na universidade que não precisam correr atrás do pão de todo dia e encher suas manhãs, tardes e noites com compromissos inadiáveis e, ainda assim, elas o fazem. o sonho de vender coco na praia para essas pessoas só serve para isso, mesmo: ser sonho. acaba em si. não é projeto de realização futura.
on Jun 20th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Caramba, nunca te vi tão enfática, nível tirem as crianças da sala… Um beijo, linda.
on Jun 20th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Pelo menos isso. :)
on Jun 20th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Acho que tenho percebido esse cansaço generalizado justamente por estar de fora. Quando eu era mais “de dentro”, “do mundo”, não me dava conta disso com a clareza que tenho agora. Se você é do mundo e está percebendo (e refletindo sobre) a canseira, eu diria que você está mais próxima da saída do subsolo da Berrini (apud Prata) do que quem está sonhando com cocos. Um beijo pra você também, Haline.
Alex, não só isso – até você está começando a achar que temos alguma coisa em comum. É o fim de tudo mesmo.
on Jun 20th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
É ISSO. O que ninguém nunca conta pra gente é que a gincana não dá prêmio algum no final. Um beijo, querida.
on Jun 20th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Rodrigo, eu não tenho a menor ideia do que as pessoas querem ou pensam – se tivesse, pode apostar que estaria ganhando dinheiro com isso. :-D
on Jun 20th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Concordo. O sonho de largar tudo e virar hippie pode até parecer indicativo de mudança, mas é justamente o contrário: mantém a pessoa ainda mais presa à situação atual. O raciocínio é mais ou menos este: “seria muito lindo viver na sombra e água fresca, mas dado que não conseguirei sobreviver vendendo cocos, não me resta outra alternativa a não ser continuar trabalhando do jeito que trabalho hoje”. Muito mais difícil é repensar a própria vida para trabalhar 6 horas por dia em vez de 8, por exemplo – difícil porque possível. Pensar na utopia é fácil, não exige ação nenhuma.
on Jun 21st, 2009 at 7:10 am
muito bacana isso que tu escreveu, camila. eu tenho um sentimento parecido acerca da vida. hoje em dia eu trabalho três dias por semana, mas acho que trabalho muito, quero ver se consigo, no semestre que vem, ter as noites de 2as e 4as. por isso eu tô pedindo dedicação exclusiva no trabalho; pra poder me dedicar mais às aulas e, ao mesmo tempo, ter mais vida pra mim. nos meus dias de folga atualmente eu escrevo a tese, mas, quando ela acabar, eu não quero fazer nada. ou melhor, quero acordar tarde como fiz hoje, correr na praia, brincar com os meus bichinhos, fazer comidinha, ver todos os filmes legais em cartaz, sabe? coisas legais na vida. trabalho, só o suficiente pra pagar as contas e viajar nas férias. não sei qual é o tesão de se entrar numa ‘gincana’ tipo essas daí que você descreveu, mas, decididamente, isso não é pra mim. beijão!
on Jun 21st, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Viva o bom cotidiano.
Vc é mesmo linda.
on Jun 21st, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Bonito demais o que você escreveu aqui. Obrigado.
on Jun 21st, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Bacana mesmo é esse teu projeto pós-tese, cris – brinquedinhos, comidinhas, filminhos… Beijo!
on Jun 21st, 2009 at 5:58 pm
;) :***
on Jun 21st, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Uau, brigadaeu. :)
on Jun 21st, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Ah. Pães, livros e baco. Alimentar a alma e descansar eternamente o corpo.
on Jun 22nd, 2009 at 5:38 am
ontem eu consegui ler textos na cama. e ver uma entrevista de sartre, de 1968 (ou 67, sei ´la) na cama, via youtube. descobri que também quero isso.
mas agora vou ali, cumprimri mais uma tarefa da minha gincana.
adorei o texto.
on Jun 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 am
Realmante, esta vida de gincana que a grande maioria leva é pra se cansar. Correria pra terminar algo que já está atrasado, trabalhar mais para pagar dívidas já feitas, e assim vai…rs
on Jun 22nd, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Nossa, o texto que você escreveu ficou lindo. Sinto muita vontade de largar tudo (que aliás parece nada).
on Jun 23rd, 2009 at 3:56 am
O problema na minha gincana é que eu tô sempre subindo nos coqueiro mas não consigo apanhar os coco…
on Jun 23rd, 2009 at 9:17 am
depois que eu li ficou parecendo que eu ia brincar com meus bichinhos de pelúcia, hahahaha. eu tenho uma gatinha gorducha e uma cachorra. elas são meus seres ‘não-humanos’ prediletos, minhas paixões. é pra elas também que eu quero ter mais tempo. bjs!
on Jun 23rd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
E como é que a gente faz pra desligar o video-game? Como é que a gente faz pra assumir a liberdade e a consciência? Me ensina?
on Jun 24th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
ah, a classe média…
on Jun 25th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Amém.
on Jun 25th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Sou da firme opinião de que 99% das atividades prazerosas humanas ficam ainda mais prazerosas quando realizadas sobre uma cama. Um beijo, André, volte sempre.
on Jun 25th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Mas peraí: mesmo fora da gincana eu corro muito para terminar coisas já atrasadas. Sempre deixo tudo para a última hora. Nada na vida é mais inspirador do que um bom e sólido deadline. Um abraço!
on Jun 25th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Ensino. Primeiro você entra num banheiro público. Aí você puxa a descarga três vezes, olha para o espelho, diz três palavrões e… Ih, foi mal. Essa era a receita para chamar a loira do banheiro – para assumir a liberdade e a consciência esqueci. :-P
on Jun 25th, 2009 at 11:19 am
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on Jun 25th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Cada um com seu cada um. :-)
on Aug 17th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
[...] Orleans, para a minha vidinha de acadêmica e dona-de-casa, esta quinta-feira. Se, quando cheguei, as pessoas me perguntavam como é a vida por lá, agora me perguntam quais são as minhas expectativas para a volta. Eu estou com saudade da minha [...]
on Dec 3rd, 2010 at 10:21 am
Definitivamente a gincana social persegue a todos numa velocidade gigantesca e giros caleidoscópicos.
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on Nov 26th, 2011 at 4:25 am
If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.
on Nov 26th, 2011 at 4:52 am
This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
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on Nov 26th, 2011 at 5:53 am
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on Nov 26th, 2011 at 6:35 am
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on Nov 26th, 2011 at 6:40 am
The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.
on Nov 26th, 2011 at 6:42 am
Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.
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on Nov 26th, 2011 at 8:10 am
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